Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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