My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She told me I should be a condom model.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
