Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
