Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
