Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
