I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
