Me too!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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