Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
