Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
