She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
