Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
