she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
