i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
