You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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