Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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