If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
