We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sobbing to NWA
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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