So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
