He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
