someone get that fucking seahorse.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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