I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
