Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
