The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
