She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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