Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
