i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
