dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
