lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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