Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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