it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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