Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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