he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
