I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
