How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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