i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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