I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
