break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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