So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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