Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
