I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
