So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
