I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
