I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
