I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
