You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
