Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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