just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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