It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
