Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
