My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
