$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
