let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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